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The Hard Choice I Had to Make




I try my best to be as honest and vulnerable as possible in hopes of encouraging others. We live in a world where we are connected now more than ever, yet still disconnected. We like to dress up our struggles and pretend that everything is okay. I am here to remind you that it is okay to not be okay.


As some might know, I walked through a long and disheartening season of fear, anxiety, and depression. I isolated myself and compared my life to everyone around me.


I was angry, bitter, and felt helpless.


I have hit rock bottom in the past, but nothing compared to the deep pit I found myself in.


I wanted to be free; I just did not know how to get there.


The enemy blinded my eyes to the truth and he came after my mind, joy, peace, and well-being.


I was convinced that I was not going to make it.


I recall one night having a panic attack. My heart was racing and I felt like I could not breathe.


I called out to the Lord and suddenly felt the presence of God. It was so sweet, so kind, so gentle, and so loving.


I felt ashamed that I have allowed myself to get so mentally and emotionally unhealthy.


I was not miraculously healed and set free in that moment but it was a reminder that God is always with me.


Even when we mess up.

Even when we are distant.

And even in our deepest pain.

He is there.


The next couple of months I found myself rebuilding my life on the Rock.


I realized that I had a life altering choice to make. I could sit there and allow the enemy to steal, kill, and destroy my life or I can choose to step into the abundant life Jesus promised me. I decided to choose the latter.


My life is not perfect, but I feel a sense of joy, peace, and hope that I have not felt in a very long time.


I surrendered my weaknesses to the Lord and I am relying on His strength.

I am also experiencing such a deep intimacy with the Lord that I have never experienced before.


Jesus is on the throne of my heart and He belongs there.

Friends, when we keep God first, everything starts to make sense again.

In His presence, there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11) and we suddenly remember our identity in Him and purpose.


He is who He says He is and He is faithful to keep His promises to us.


Let’s continue to run the race set before us with gladness as we seek and walk alongside the One who holds all things together.



Blessings,

Nikki

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